In the beginning, there was fat . . .

First things first, let me just admit I am a chunky monkey, pleasantly plump, there's junk in my trunk, baby got back . . . bottom line i'm overweight! And newsflash to any skinny minnies that might be reading this we big girls out number you! We can crush you like bugs with a doughnut in one hand and twinkie in the other. You few with your warp speed metabolisms are ruining things for the rest of us. The fashion world adores you, all cute clothes are designed for those few chosen thin people while the rest of us are forced to dress like substitute teachers. And the restaurants, well they love us big girls, they create every dish with us in mind. Thousands of calories in one salad and here we think we are eating healthy. Hidden fat, larger portions, and tons of sauces covering every delicious inch. So what's a girl to do, well here's the beginning of my journey . . .

Now I first considered some rather diabolical and somewhat childish pranks against the fashion industry. I also seriously debated secretly adding sugar to all the skinny minnies' non fat skim milk extra foam mocha lattes. But I realized that these plans would still never get me what I truly wanted. So after years of eating and dieting and eating again, I have finally had enough. I'm thirty one years old and I want cute clothes. I'm not in this for my health, nope it's all about the wardrobe baby. Call me shallow or vain if you want, but you have all dreamed about those cute little tops and hip hugger jeans at some point. So where to start, or better yet where not to start. Here's a list of all the things I won't be trying (again) to lose weight . . .

I will not:
eat only grapefruit and eggs for a week
substitute a diet shake for a meal
stop eating all carbs, I like pasta dammit!
try any products purchased off the internet
commit to any calorie count with only three digits

In short, I'm tired of yo-yoing with miserable fad diets that never work! We've all tried them, everyone, and look at us, yep still fat. So I'm going to do that mission impossible and learn to eat all over again. Smaller portions, eating more slowly, healthier foods, and yes, dare I say it, exercise. It will be be a long and torturous process but it must be done if I ever want to reach my goal. It's March and I want that new wardrobe for Christmas, I have nine months to lose ninety pounds. Is it possible, who knows? But I have eaten my last cookie and I'm ready to try!

So stay tuned for the further trials, tribulations, triumphs, defeats, and in general complaining of this desperate fat chick on one last ditch diet . . .

Starting weight: 233 lbs.